The docs have called another meeting with Rich and I for 4:30 today to discuss the recent (bad) turn of events and where to proceed from here. Things are not looking good though. Michalla and I have been talking about dying this morning. Her exact words where "I just want to die already. Why do I have to go through all this?" Meaning why does she have to go through all this pain if she is just going to die anyway. I didn't know what to tell her. I have the exact same questions!! Why?
She is up 4 liters of fluid that her body can't get rid of. They are surprised she is even able to still breathe. One option is surgery to put a tube in place to have dialysis but they think it is very unlikely she will survive surgery. But if they don't try it will only be a few days until she will die anyway from the fluids.
Her lungs are also bleeding from the fungus. She is in so much pain. Everything hurts. It hurts her to have anyone even touch her, which is hard because all I want to do is hug her.
I know everyone has already spent so much energy and time on Michalla but if you would take the time to write down any memories you have of Michalla and email them to me I would very much appreciate it. I would like to put together a book of memories or thoughts people have of Michalla.
I also want to be able to read them to her over the next couple of days. We have been talking about some memories I have but it would be fun to read other memories. Would you also please send any pictures you have of michalla to me. My email is teribeardall@msn.com. PLEASE.
Michalla has been fighting sleep all morning but I won't let her fall asleep. I keep telling her to stay awake because I want to spend every minute I can looking in her eyes and talking to her.
I asked her if there was anything she wanted to say to everyone on the blog and she said, "Mom, I'm just so tired." I gave her permission to go asleep. I told her I wouldn't keep her awake anymore. She opened up her eyes a few minutes later and said, "Just say Thank you. What else is there to say, except Thank you."
So Thank you from Michalla and Thank you from her family. As things get crazier around her and assuredly harder I don't know how much emotional energy I will have to blog so if I can't do it please accept our gratitude and thanks for being on this journey with us.
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ReplyDeleteI love her for the joy and happiness she brought to Lilly. She lifted her spirits by helping her when she was first diagnosed and they became BFF. I met her once and we talked through the door. What a beautiful lady inside and out. Michalla may you know and feel of everyones love and also her family, We LOVE you. (Lilly's grandmother)
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry that you have to watch your daughter suffer like this. I cannot imagine the pain she is in, or what it must be like for her family to watch her go through it. I am in Rich and Kim's ward in West Jordan. Although we have never met Her, she is in our daily prayers. We just hope for peace for her and for your whole family.
ReplyDeleteTeri, I have known Michalla for only a short time but I knew I loved her from the moment I met her. She is the real deal. I knew I didn't have to put on any pretenses when we were together. I enjoyed the short time I got to spend with her and love her very much. I feel lucky that I got to help with her pain a little during this most recent fight during our massages. I wish I could help now. I am constantly thinking of her and you and all those who love her. She has more faith than anyone I know.
ReplyDeleteMy first memory of Michalla is on the first day of first grade. I was calling role, and I said, "Makayla" (My son's name is Michael and I hadn't seen Michalla spelled that way before.) She looked at me with a "seriously?" look and said, "It's Ma-SHAY-la." Well, she let me know what she thought of my mispronunciation! ;) I'm glad she did that, because it was easy to remember to say her name correctly (with a SHAY) after that! As a student, I remember her being a rather quiet girl who always did what she was supposed to do….even if she thought it was boring or too much (it was pretty easy to read her face! In fact, I've seen a lot of Michalla's expressions and personality in her little sister, Faith). I'm sure she thought I was crazy when I acted silly (which I still do a lot of in the classroom). But by the end of the year, I think she realized it was ok for a teacher to have fun just like a first grader, and that I wasn't just weird. :) I felt her personality blossomed that year.
ReplyDeleteAfter first grade, I'd see her in the halls and think, "She is such a poised girl." After she left Valley View, I really only remember seeing her at your church meetings when one of my Formers was leaving for a mission or coming home. EVERYtime I saw her, she was more beautiful than the last. She grew into such a beautiful young lady.
She has taught ME a lot about faith, courage, determination, and love. I admire her so much. I don't think she realizes how many lives she has touched for good. We are all still praying for a miracle, and if we don't get that miracle, I hope she will have felt the love we all have for her. She has truly endured what most people couldn't!
I love you Michalla. I still want you to come and do a free Apple Hunt when you get better. <3 <3 <3
I don't know you Michalla, or your family, but I wanted to let you know that you have touched my heart in the few short days I have been reading your blog. You are an example of resilience, hope, and faith to all who have heard your story. I am so sorry you are sick. Cancer sucks. I hate that it exists and that sweet people like you and your family have to suffer because of it. I hope you are able to find comfort and peace over these next few days. Please know that the world loves you!
ReplyDeleteI watched her grow up at Valley View with my son Tyler. He is currently on a mission or he would be writing this himself. He always said that Michalla is "so nice to everyone". He wasn't her best friend or anything like that but considered her a good friend. I have written him for an exact memory but won't hear from him until Monday so I wanted to let Michalla know that Tyler and all the Downs family are thinking of and praying for her and the family.
ReplyDeleteMichalla is such a thoughtful girl!
ReplyDeleteThe first time she was in the hospital undergoing therapy, my young kids and I stopped in to see her. The nurses told me that she had had a rough day and was extremely tired. Beings that I didn't even think she knew who we were, I gave them the little things my kids had picked out for her and told them to tell her we said hello. Despite how she felt, she still invited us into her room to visit. She knew exactly who we were and recounted Colton hanging out with Logan at your home.
I thought it was profound that she put aside herself for our sake. What a beautiful spirit. I can image the struggle going on as both sides of the veil are blessed with her presence.
I'm so sorry Teri for your family and your children. My heart hurts as a mother, to only imagine how painful this is. I pray God comforts you!
I don't know Michalla or your family, but I have been touched by your updates on this blog. I have prayed with you, and cried as well. My life has been touched for good, and I will go forward with more love and purpose because of Michalla.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you either Michalla but I am an unfortunate member of the cancer world as well. Every suffering we endure in this life sanctifies us. And oh how it blesses others as well. Your suffering is not in the least bit in vain and it has touches hundreds of lives as is demonstrated here. You are so loved by so many, friend and stranger. You are the most kind of special because you were willing to let the Lord use you as His instrument in this life to do His work. His work! How great is that! I feel your exhaustion through this blog and I pray the Lord releases you from your suffering whether it be through medicinal miracles or through His other means. You are So very loved. I pray you feel His love stronger than ever in your life at this time. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI met michalla in hair school and she was always so kind and sweet to me whenever I had no one to sit by she would wave me over half the time to sit by her she took my friend and I to smart cookie and slurp she woupd sit by me on the front desk and we would just talk about anything for hours sometimed she never failed to make me feel welcome and accepted she was always full of happiness and always being a friend to everyone she is truly and inspiration my thoughts and prayers are with you sweet girl at this time I love you and thank you for all the kindness and love you showed me
ReplyDeleteI don't know Michalla and have never met her or any of your family. I am, however, following the blog posts. I am Lilly's great aunt (or something like that) from marrying into Tiffany Alldredges family so many years ago. So I see the blog posts and read all of them and all I can say is "thank you!" Thank you, Michalla for being a light in an otherwise dark world. I have felt your example and your love for the Savior as I have come to know you only through the posts I read on your moms blog. Bless your heart. I want you to know how much you have touched me without ever meeting me and your example and love has had far reaching effects. I believe that people cross our path in this life for a reason and I'm grateful you have crossed mine in this way, even though I don't know you personally. I can, however, feel your strong spirit. So thank you for that. God's speed, my friend. Maybe you and I will be besties one day, you never know.
ReplyDeleteThere is a grand and glorious purpose to all you're going through, although the path looks all muddled and unclear at this time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.