UPDATE

I don't even know where to begin. I feel I always want to post the happier things that go on in this place like when I receive packages or give or receive notes or presents from my little friends that I've made. And I hear about and have people all the time tell me how inspiring my blog is for them and their family and they don't know how I stay so positive and graceful through this whole trial. Well I have news for you all. IT IS REALLY HARD SOMETIMES. I very well put on a face a lot to be happy and brave (not that I am not happy and brave most the time) but sometimes it gets hard and there are moments where I don't want to be happy and brave all the time for everyone. I break down. I cry. I have anxiety attacks. Do I ever take a picture of me crying and put it on the blog? Heck no. So everyone has only been seeing the sugary coating that has been happening in the hospital. And don't get me wrong. There are some good times and moments. And they happen all the time! And I am going to share an experience that happened but I need some extra added prayers these next few weeks and I'm going to let everyone who reads this blog know why (and anyone they would please ask to pray for me as well).

The bone marrow team. They like to keep you in the dark and occasionally come in and drop a few bombs on you then go into hiding again. This last visit my mom and I had with the bone marrow lady started out with really good news! I have a donor! The only information I am allowed to know about my donor for a year is that it is a male and he is in his early 20's. I don't get to find out where they are from, what they look like or even their name until a year is up. And then it's only if the donor wants me to know who he is. I really hope so for I hope sometime in my life I can go and meet and thank my donor personally for saving my life. Such a selfless act of service he is doing for me.

Along with this good news came the news that my donor is donating his marrow to me on the 23rd of this month and that I will be receiving my transplant on the 24th. That is three weeks ago yesterday when I heard this news. You think I would be jumping for joy that this is all happening but honestly I am scared out of my mind. I thought I had at least another 5-6 weeks before my bone marrow would be ready and now I find out I have 3 weeks to mentally and physically prepare for this. This means my counts need to come up fast for this to work. My only other option is my counts don't come up in time and we push the bone marrow back to May. That would potentially leave a month for me to relapse though which is not good. So PLEASE START PRAYING FOR MY COUNTS TO COME UP!! They need to by next Friday. I know this is all Heavenly Fathers will and plan but I know the power of prayer is real and I am needing all the prayers I can get.

As I said earlier I have been having some anxiety and panic attacks. I feel people don't realize how much this is a mental challenge as well as a physical challenge. You can only be stuck in one room (not allowed to leave) for so long before you start to go a little crazy. Or in my case, start having anxiety. I am not thrilled with the idea of having my bone marrow in three weeks for a few reasons but one of them being that I was very much looking forward to the break from the four walls I am confined in. My break will be cut from 2 weeks to about 2-3 days. I am grateful for my donor do not get me wrong. But a little longer break would have been nice.

The other night I was starting to have an anxiety attack. My dad was here and he did help me calm down eventually but during it I kept thinking to myself "I need to text the Cornelius's to come give me a blessing. No it's too late to text them. I need to text them. No." It was a battle in my head for about an hour until I calmed down and just never ended up texting them. (Brother Cornelius is the branch president over the hospital). The next day my mom was coming up but she couldn't until about 6 pm that evening. As she walked through the door I could see brother and sister Cornelius following in behind her! I couldn't believe it. Heavenly Father totally listened to my thoughts and concerns. I asked them what they were doing here and brother Cornelius said that he got an impression this morning that they needed to come see me some time today. I started crying and told them about the thoughts I was having the previous night about texting them. How grateful I am that he is so in tuned to the spirit to be able to hear that prompting and act on it so he could not only give me a blessing but give me a reassurance of Heavenly Fathers awareness of me.

That's all for now. Please pray and have faith for me that my counts start moving! Thank you!

oh that lilly

April fools!

 

Lilly came to visit me today!! She was kind enough to make me some Brown E's.....  April Fools! lucky for me she made me real brownies too!

She also made me this "Friends Forever" sign that I absolutely love!

My heart melted today when I read the last entry Lilly had recently written to me. I had told her before that Donald Duck was my favorite and she listened! She is definitely making my heart smile as well as many others! Lilly and Michalla BFF's!

The other day my mom and I face timed Lilly and she said that she gave a talk to her primary through face time! I thought it was so cool and brave! We then were lucky enough to have her tell us the talk. She is an amazing example of courage and bravery. I love you Lilligan!

Thank You!!

 

Thank you so much to my amazing ward family! I always feel so loved (even more) when I receive these notes and pictures!

Thank you Lilly and her family for giving me these puzzles to do! My mom really enjoys puzzles hehe;)

Catching up on last weekend!

Danny brought us yummy Mexican and then we played charades on our phones. It was a fun night!

My new friend, Taleah, made this wand out of clay and gave it to me! Along with fruit snacks and a cute note. Please start praying for her too!

Together for Taleah!

Visitors

 

 

 

This is an amulet that Heather Morley gave me. Besides being super cute it is supposed to protect me and bring me good fortune. Thank you Heather!

The Taylor's came up to visit me and gave me this adorable puppy because of my loss of my puppy. They are so thoughtful! Did I mention he also smells super good? Along with other goodies like lotion and magazines. Thank you so much!

 

I love Sundays.

This is Teri, Michalla's mom. I have to write a post while my heart is so full.  I just returned from the 1/2 hour Sacrament service they provide here at the hospital.  Every week I attend is good but for some reason Fast and Testimony meeting is spectacular.  From the minute I walk into that small auditorium until the final prayer, my heart feels like it is going to explode from how strong the spirit is.  Within those 4 walls I feel like I am sitting in the celestial kingdom. I feel my Savior's love stronger in those rooms than just about anywhere. As I watched those U of U college students bless and pass the sacrament to the families of patients in the hospital, I felt such a love for each one of those young men.  I didn't expect it, but I just felt such pure love for them and the sacrifice they make to be away from their home ward and serve us.

Then the testimonies from parents who have children here.  Talk about having the purest testimony of God's love and the power of prayer.  These people here are living that testimony daily. Here are people who are going through some of the hardest trials of their life and every one of them testify of God's love for them and of how much God knows each one of us personally.  One young father just cried as he said that words could not adequately explain how full his heart was.  That is exactly how I feel, so please excuse the rambling.

Before I went down to the meeting I read a conference talk to Michalla that my friend, Teri Ivie, had given me to give to Michalla.  It had helped her when her husband was killed a few years back.  It is by President Uchtdorf and is called 'The Infinite Power of Hope'.  I was so touched by some of the things in that talk.  He says: "If we could look beyond the horizon of mortality into what awaits us beyond this life....Those who come unto Christ, repent of their sins, and live in faith will reside forever in peace. Think of the worth of this eternal gift. Surrounded by those we love, we will know the meaning of ultimate joy as we progress in knowledge and in happiness. No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations.  The Savior is the Author of our Salvation. "

My greatest desire the last few years is to just have peace.  I don't need excitement or fun or praise etc.  All I have wanted is to feel peace in my life.  I think that is why those words touched me so deeply.  The promise that the Savior is the author of my life story and that the final chapter brings the ultimate peace (if I live worthy) is so comforting.  I also love the visual of being surrounded by those we love.  Uchtdorf describes it as the ultimate joy.  I agree!  One of the my favorite memories is having my three oldest children, Megan, Michalla, and Logan with me in the Palmyra temple as we all did baptisms for the dead.  Other awesome memories are attending a temple session while my Dad was a temple worker and having him officiating in the room and participating in initiatory while my mom was a temple worker and having the privilege of being in the same booth she was working in.  It is no coincidence that some of my fondest memories involve family members who I love deeply and the temple (the closest you can get to heaven on this earth)

I have a testimony that God is indeed my Heavenly Father and he loves me and each one of us deeply.  I know that he knows me intimately and wants me to be happy.  I know that only through the atonement of our older brother, Jesus Christ, is it possible to be worthy of those blessings the Lord has in store for us. I love this gospel and ask forgiveness for my shortcomings and times I don't live my testimony like I should.

Lastly, I believe in Miracles.  I see them daily in my life.  These daily miracles strengthen my testimony and my resolve to be a better person.

I love each one of you.  May you feel God's peace this week.

Teri

 

Nail Time

When you have cancer you can get some people to do almost anything including your manly dad;)

(not that I abuse it or anything haha)

He did a really good job!

 

No, my dad did not do the Aztec nails haha. I loved doing them but boy do they take a long time! Thank you Heather Morley and my nurse for being so patient to let me design on your nails!