Poor Thing

 

When Michalla is aware enough to see everything I have been posting she is going to kill me. :)

The docs are all concerned about the big things going on with Michalla. I can't do much to help with those things.  They are all inside of the body.  The things as a mom that are hard to see are the constant throwing up of stomach bile and blood. The swollen tight skin. The puffy eyes, skin and lips.  Those lips bleed constantly.  I don't even recognize them.  Her chemo cracked hands (they are shiny from the lotion I try to keep on them. And the sores on her body. :(  All of these things aren't even concerns of the doctor when they are dealing with life saving issues.) 

Michalla has been doing a little worse the last couple of days.  Her chest xrays are looking a little worse etc. but the docs tell me that is normal.  That it will go up and down and not to get discouraged.  Easier said than done!   Michalla hates the breathing mask and tries to take it off all the time.  Even when she is asleep it is hard to keep her hands off it.  It is so loud and uncomfortable for her.  She says it makes her feel like she is suffocating. :(

The good news is that she has graduated from ice chips to licks of a popcycle and water.  You would have through Michalla won the lottery she was so excited when she could finally have something besides ice chips.

I made the mistake the other day of sitting in and listening to the docs as they discussed Michalla outside of her door.  There was the bone marrow team, the ICU docs, the respitory docs, the infectious disease docs, pharmacy, physical therapy, etc.  There were about 15 people there.  Each team went around and talked about what was wrong with Michalla that fell under their umbrella.  After listening to them, I left wondering how she was even alive.  It was so depressing how many things are wrong with her.  I guess ignorance really is bliss.  I like just knowing that she is in good hands and will get better.  Next time I will tell them I will miss the meeting. haha