Another reminder that : THE LORD IS IN CHARGE!

As some of you know Michalla has been having a really hard time mentally being in that hospital room for 6 weeks straight.  Since she had been fever and infection free for a couple weeks the dr. decided the reward of letting her come home for 3 days outweighed the risk of getting sick while at home. (Her counts are still at zero--meaning her body has zero ability to fight any infection or illness).  So after 2 bags of blood and a bag of platelets and a bone marrow aspirate and spinal tap--Michalla was able to come home at about 8 PM on Monday night with the plan on coming back to clinic on Thursday and admittance on Friday 5 AM to start the chemo to prep for the transplant scheduled on the 24th. 

 (P.S. Thanks to all those that helped clean and sanitize the house on Monday to help make it a little safer for Michalla to come home)

On Wednesday we got a call from Dr. Pulsiver (the bone marrow doc) and he told us that the donor that was lined up to donate was no longer cleared to donate. The donor is found through a national registry and they wouldn't give any more info than that.  No longer cleared to donate could mean anything from the donor changed his mind to he came down with something medically wrong last minute.  What it means to us is that Michalla no longer has a donor!

There were a lot of tears shed on Wednesday afternoon.  What was so hard for Michalla is that she finally wrapped her head around the fact this was happening in 2 days.  You actually get kind of excited, if you will, to just finally get it over with.  All this chemo has been building up to this moment--the transplant-- and it is finally here.  Then in one phone call that all gets taken away and you go back to the unknown.  The dreaded fear of the unknown.

And it is defiantly unknown. The doctors don't even know what to do.  They joked about admitting her again, because this would be the safest, but we made it clear Michalla was not wanting to go back in.  They say they have never had someone lose clearance this close to transplant. So for now, Michalla goes into Primary Children's every Monday and Thursday for a check-up and transfusions; we keep a close eye on her and watch closely for any signs of sickness or fever; and put our faith in the Lord that this is all going to work out.

The silver lining to all this:

If we didn't have that donor lined up and only avail on that certain date to donate then Michalla would not have been allowed to go home.  In fact, a week after coming home her counts are still at zero.  She would still be sitting in the hospital waiting for her white blood cells to come up for another 2 weeks.  Even though it is risky--she is loving being home!

The doctors weren't loving the fact that she was going to go into transplant before her counts were recovered but they were doing it because that is the only time the original donor could donate.  Michalla will certainly have time for counts to recover now.

The biggest risk to now having to wait until a new donor is found is the cancer coming back.  The blessing in this is that cancer can't come back until white blood cells come back.  So that fact that Michalla still has zero counts (while it may be bad for risk of getting sick) is a huge blessing in the fact that she will be able to remain cancer free while we wait.

Waiting a little longer to do the transplant, giving Michalla's body a chance to recover a bit from the last chemo, will help the transplant have a lower risk of infection.

There are 3 other potential matches (on paper) that would work for Michalla.  That is amazing.  Many people are lucky if they have 1 match.  Michalla had 4 originally.

All those silver linings aside, the doctors still wouldn't have chosen this for Michalla.  There is a lot of risk involved and many things that can happen while a new donor is found.  We are praying every day that one of the potential matches will be willing and able to, not only donate, but donate in the next 2 weeks.  That means they would start their prep now.  (Physicals, blood work, shots etc.) Again, it is the fear of the unknown.  Michalla's life is literally in the hands of 3 people we have never met or that don't know Michalla.  They have to be willing to drop everything from their busy lives and do this self-less act for someone they know nothing about.

This is another test of Faith that we must face.  It is also another reminder that we are never in charge of our life.  The Lord is constantly reminding me, personally,  that he is in charge and that I just need to trust him.

Please pray this week that Michalla will remain healthy so she doesn't have to be admitted to the hospital and also please pray that one of these donor matches will be willing to do this selfless, Christ-like act and save Michalla's life.